My Life
Let me begin this entry by telling you how I saw life. I was
timid because I was self conscious. I felt I did not belong. I would bully
those whom I can bully because that is how I came out from my shell. I felt the
need for attention and I became a spoiled brat as some call it. I was obnoxious.
My family are my friends.
Then everything changed little by little when my
grandparents died. You see, I was raised by my grandparents who treated me as
their baby. When they died I had to be more independent and I had to learn how
to get along with relatives and other people. I felt I was in a cage, not being
able to do what I used to do. Life became rougher as it was for me.
I was privileged to attend an “all- girls-Catholic-school”
in college. Being surrounded with good people, I learned how to be more
spiritual like being able to attend mass on a Wednesday, saying novena prayers
and praying the rosary.
I thought my calling was to become a nun. I really did! I
had good grades and met new nice people but it didn’t last that long. I still
felt life was not something that I can live to the fullest. I still felt I was
in a cage. I wanted to be free. I thought I was a troubled teenager, still
jealous of the people around me and bullying still became my outlet. Don’t get
me wrong, I wasn’t rebellious or something to that extent. I was still timid,
but deep inside I wanted to go berserk.
I thought I needed motivation and inspiration, so I met my
boyfriend. No one in my family knew about him and one or two years after, I got
pregnant. There my friends, is my lemon! The sourest lemon I had to deal with.
I was a student so close to graduating. And when I started setting goals for my
future- that happened!
My real Life
My boyfriend whole heartedly accepted our fate but had to
leave me to aboard ship. I had to deal with my pregnancy by myself. I was so
depressed and alone and I couldn’t think of any way but to pray harder every
morning and every night. I was afraid that my aunt and my uncle will throw me
out of the house. All worries and apprehension governed me. And then the miracle
happened.....
You will indeed find God from someone you least expect and I
met Him in my uncle. He was so forgiving and did nothing but comforted me and
uttered the words I will never ever forget, “ it is not the end of the world”. He wasn't always like that. For him, it was “one
miss, you die” so for him to be able to give me strength to continue is indeed
a miracle.
And that day changed my perspective in life. I saw life in a
different way- the way people saw my life. I realized I was the luckiest girl
in the world. Not having both parents with me I thought was a curse but was
actually a gift. A gift I regret not treasuring for I would have been able to
show my grandparents more affection and gratitude.
I would have become more of what I was when I was a kid and
while I was growing up. I saw the blessings that were showered upon me which I
candidly ignored because of blindness and innocence to true happiness.
My Lemonades
With that lemon thrown to me, I was able to make lemonades
that made life sweeter and bearable. I am just happy that God never gave up on
me. The things that I have experienced brought me and still bring me epiphanies
of life’s beauty.
Now, I am close to my cousins whom I thought I wouldn't get
along with and my uncle and my auntie who are still there to support me. It’s
too late to change what happened, if I was just willing and open to them, but
it’s not too late to start anew and I am glad I still have them, not to mention
the family I gained when I married my husband.
Life is not perfect
but there can be a happy ending in every story if we know how to take advantage
of our lemons to make them lemonades.
